Dear Ashton 2 years and 1 month

Dear Ashton,
When Manly Pop called you Cheeky Cheeky he couldn't have got it more right. You are soooo cheeky. You are going to be the class clown for sure. Not a day goes past that you put a smile on my face. You make me laugh every day. Your laugh is so contagious if you are laughing you can't help but laugh too. It is the most beautiful sound to hear.

Your favourite thing to do is have a bath and ask as soon as we have had tea over and over again, bath, bath, bath, bath. You can  now take your nappy and pants off and you pull at your shirt and say stuck because you can't get it off. You also love going to Manly nan and pops, dancing and playing with Zack until he gets to rough but I predict it won't be to much longer until you can hold your own, you are already stating to give him some of his own medicine.

Your least favourite thing to do is day time naps. You try to run away and when I catch you to put you in your sleeping bag you say no no no. Putting you in your sleeping bag has become a struggle for me and you find it hilarious. I lay you down and put your arms in and then you start cacking yourself laughing and kicking your legs so its hard for me to zip it up. I get one leg in and go to put the other one in but before I have the other one in you have got the other one out. Oh do you laugh and of course I can't help but laugh too.

You have become very helpful. You like to help me carry wood in to put on the fire and have a tantie if I go and get wood without you. You also love to help me wash up. It takes me heaps longer as you helping is throwing the knife and forks back into the water. I drives me insane LOL.

Your face is ALWAYS dirty. I clean it and it is dirty within 5 minutes again. I have no idea what you do. All you say all day is yum, yum, yum, yum, but unlike my little boy who ate ALL day (and I am not kidding when I say ALL day) you have become a bit picky in the last week and will only pick at your tea, which is something I am not use to. Like Zack you then get hungry and ask for food at bed time. It drives me mad. I hope this is only a few week thing and you go back to eating.

You don't say much yet. But you always get your point across, you are determined and don't stop until you do. I wish you would start using your words. You can say allot of single words but are not putting them into sentences yet. I just have to be patience. I know you can do it, you just don't have to so you don't. When I try to get you to say a sentence like for example "Open the door please mum" you nod at me like yes I want the door open thats why I said door. I repeat myself and you nod again, like jeez mum are you stupid "door".

Ashton I love you so much!
Love Mum xxxooo

Photos from today of the two of us, I only got two as then you decided you wanted yums LOL so you.

The birth of Amahlia May

From 20 weeks my fundal height was measuring 5 weeks ahead and I felt huge. The further along I got the harder I found doing things such as picking up after the kids etc. As I was measuring so big my ob sent me for an early GTT test (at 24 weeks) which I passed. She sent me for another GTT and scan at 32 weeks as I was still measuring so far ahead and I failed. This meant that I couldn’t have my c-section at the hospital I had the boys and had to go to a much, much bigger hospital 3 hours away from home. I had NO trouble controlling my GD and only had 1 high reading the whole time and that was in my first week of testing. Controlling it got easier the further along I got.

The day before having Amahlia I found leaving the boys was much harder than I thought it would be. I took them up to mum and dads and promptly broke down as soon as they were in with pop playing on my mum. I was fine about leaving Zack as I had left him before but leaving Ashton was hard. That day we drove to my nans so we were only 30 minutes from the hospital I had to deliver at. I had to have blood taken when arriving and James and I did some last minute shopping. That night while having tea, nan got a phone call, as I was listening I picked up that there was something wrong with my sister. She was 32 weeks pregnant and admitted to hospital, they had started giving her steroids and she had to go to John Hunter Hospital the next day as the baby was small and where thinking the baby had stopped growing. I spent all that night worrying about her and had no sleep, and it wasn’t even about nerves from having my baby. 

We had to be at hospital at 6am so we got up at 5 to get ready to drive to the hospital. When arriving we were put in the smallest room with 2 other people in it I couldn’t even walk around the bed without bumping into the curtain dividers. I whispered to James I am so not staying here. I was given the sexy robe to change into and told to wait. Finally a midwife came to introduce herself and get me ready to go. I was given the horrid tasting stuff to drink as being wheeled to surgery. James thought it was funny watching me gag as I tried to drink it. While waiting to go into get my spinal (the thing I was most scared about as Zacks took a long time and Ashton took over an hour, a HUGE bruise and talk of postponing c-section) I said to James I wonder how my sister is? I was still so worried about her). The anthesis nurse was a crack up and swore like a trooper, he joked around the whole time, I am still shocked at some of the things he said but he kept me calm. DH was aloud in with me this time when getting the spinal which I liked because he knew how scared of it I was. It turned out they got it in first go so wasn’t bad at all like my first 2 times.

I was then wheeled into surgery, James was let in to sit at my head. Next I heard them snipping which was horrible and I said to James I think they have started. I could feel all the pulling and tugging and knew it was getting close to she was here. They told James to get ready with the camera and she was held up for us to see. She was crying like a trooper. She was taken over to the table where James cut her cord and cleaned up and I could hear her crying the whole time. Felt like ages before she was brought over to be to cuddle. The anthesis took some photos of the three of us and I got to cuddle until they were almost done stitching me back up. Then James and the midwife took her to check her blood sugar while they put this pain relief (tap) thing in my tummy (it was really good I had no pain until the next morning). As I was wheeled into recover James, Amahlia and the midwife met me there and I was told her blood sugar levels where down to 1.4 so we tried to feed her but she wasn’t interested. We started expressing and getting some into her. Her levels went up to 1.5 and the pead was called. During this time she started breastfeeding but when the midwife came back she told me the pead had ordered we give her formula. This still annoys me and if I was thinking better I should had refused to take her off the breast when she had just started feeding but I didn’t. She wouldn’t take the bottle so was taken to SCN with James. I was left in the room by myself trying hard not to cry. 

As I was being wheeled to my room I met my sister, her fiancé and my nan on their way back from her scan (baby is very small but still growing so good news) my sister asked me if I was ok I said yes and she gave me that look and I burst out in tears. I was taken to another room without my things and told they don’t know if I will see her again today as they can’t take me to see her and that her BSL was now what they call normal at 2.9. While they were getting me set up and doing my obs in my room my IL’s turned up, which I was unaware of. The midwife sent everyone up to SCN to see Amahlia. Another midwife came in and asked me if I had seen my baby yet and asked if it was ok for them to see baby and I said no not until her brothers see her. So there was a big rush to ring SCN to tell them my relatives couldn’t go see her. James came in annoyed that I wouldn’t allow his parents to see her and I burst into tears. He quickly got over that. (When he told me the day before his dad was coming to see baby I said not until after 3pm when the kids have seen her the kids were coming at 3pm either he didn’t tell them or they ignored it as I have later found out that when MIL saw my sister and Nan she went off as James hadn’t rang her yet…we were kinda busy). MIL and FIL at this time while I was crying with James came in and MIL promptly told me she had to see James in a humidicrib so get over it I might just have to see her in one too. It was the first time I had seen James since he went with Amahlia so I had no idea what was happening and really all I was worried about was not being able to see her until tomorrow. If I was thinking straight she would have been told where to go right then and there. 

Everyone left and I was again left alone without my things I wanted my phone to ring my mum but it was in the first room I went in. Then our lovely midwife that was with Amahlia and James came to see me. She told me her BSL had dropped to 1.5 again and they were putting a drip in her arm. I heard her ask another midwife if she cleans the private room herself can she put me in it as I was a private patient. I could have kissed her. She told me the only problem is I would have to move onto a smaller bed I said I would do anything to get into a private room. So she cleaned the room and I moved (without assistance) onto another bed. Both James and I asked 100’s of times for me to go see her or her come see me but I kept getting told they can’t take the bed in there I was like can’t I get into a wheelchair they said no you can’t move, even though I moved to another bed by myself it didn’t matter. I was also told around this time that she had a soft pallet, I still don’t really know what this means but I don’t think it is very serious as other dr haven’t been able to find it. We have a specialist appointment next month at John Hunter about it.

9 hours later they brought her into me. She had a feeding tube in and a drip in her arm but it was wonderful. She promptly breast fed again. I finally won the battle to call her Amahlia May. I got an hours cuddle before she was taken back to SCN and I continued to express feeds over night as for some reason they wouldn’t bring her in to breastfeed. 

5am the next morning she was brought into me and she stayed with me most of the morning as she was breastfeeding they let her stay longer with me. It was just me and her and I loved it. James arrived around 8 where I got out of bed for the first time and showered. We had to take Amahlia to get her BSL checked again at the SCN. They were good still so she was allowed to come back to my room but every 3 hours I had to take her to SCN to breastfeed her and then she was given top up feeds by order of the pead. Her BSL stayed normal all day and night. Thursday morning we stopped top up feeds through the tube and if her BSL stayed normal I was allowed to be transferred back to Scone that afternoon. Which they did so James drove me and Amahlia to Scone. From then on everything was good and it was good to be in my familiar hospital.

James was very cranky as he thinks her BSL dropped after they took her from me at recovery at 9.30am was because they didn’t feed her again till 1pm. I don’t know what to think, I know he was stressed trying to be there for her and me and to me it doesn’t seem right that they wouldn’t feed her once she got to scn when she had refused the bottle and only got a ml of expressed milk. Its over now though and all is good.

Sunday we were home. She is feeding like a champ, I am yet to have sore nipples and haven’t put any cream or anything on them. Zack just loves her to death and won’t leave her alone. He calls her Narnia. He told mum and dad while driving to meet her that her name is Narnia. When we told mum her name mum decided that I must have told him Amahlia one day and that’s how he says it but I have never told anyone in real life I like the name Amahlia so he came up with that himself. I think its freaky how close it is to her actually real name. He still calls her Narnia now, which I think is cute.

You have done well if you got through all this. It is very jumbled up as my mind was quite a mess and I have wrote things as I remember them happening.

So Amahlia May born on the 5/6/12 at 8.41am
Weight 3360 or 7lbs 6.5oz
Head Circumference 34 cm
Length 49cm
9 and 9

First glimps

My first cuddle after she was taken to scn for hours

Me seeing the boys meet her I missed them first seeing her as DH took them to scn while I was stuck in bed

Ready to go home

Coming home

The birth of Ashton Xavier

After a stressful pregnancy not caused by anything to do with Ashton. I often used waiting for him to come to be a positive to look forward to in my life. The day finally came and I was sooooo excited. I stayed with James the night before because it was going to be an early start and I didn’t want to risk waking Zack up. The night before wasn’t the best and I wish I didn’t choose to do it that way at the time but I got through.

21/7/10
I was up at 4.15am to have my shower ready to leave for the hour long drive at 4.50am. We were about to leave and James realised he couldn’t find his shoes so he had to wear his work boots  .

We arrived at the hospital at 6am and were shown to our room. I unpacked my bag and went to have a shower in the antiseptic stuff. I was then put on the monitor for 20minutes to check him and all was fine. Next they put the lovely itchy stockings on me and these things that blow up on my legs for after I have him.

At 7.40am they wheeled me to the operating theatre, with me asking James numerous times if he had the camera. James went to get changed and they took me in to get the spinal. Now this bit, I was worried about because it was the part with Zack I hated the most because I was so scared. 

My obs (who was doing the spinal) came in and it was good to see a familiar face. They could only find a permanent marker to mark my back and I told them that’s fine I can’t see my back. I had to drink the horrid tasting stuff that I think is to settle my stomach. He got to work pushing to find the right place to put the needles I remember thinking to myself geez right now I wish I didn’t have so much fat because he was pushing so hard to feel the bone (I have bruises there). 

After an hour on being scrunched over like a cat as he called it, and 100 of needles being put into my back he came to talk to me about my options. He told me that he is going in further then he think he should be but he can’t get through. He said he is going to get another dr in to have a go but not many goes as I have to many holes in my back now. He said that if that doesn’t work they could put me under general anaesthetic or postpone it and try another day or even send me to Maitland hospital where they have a ultrasound machine thing to look at my back. I refused the general and said I would postpone it. I was thinking I would try a VBAC before going under general. At this time the other dr came in and while he was scubbing in I sent the nurse out to tell James I was ok. I really wanted him at this stage my back, neck, chest (because it was hard to breath scrunched up) and stomach were killing me and I sooo wanted to meet my boy right now. 

The other dr got to work pushing my fat again ouch! My obs came around to me and said he is going to have one more try and if not we will have to try again another day. I scrunched over as far as I could pushing my spine out and held my breath (not that I could breath very well anyway) to keep myself still. All of a sudden I felt my legs getting numb and warm and I say very excited my legs are getting numb  . Talk about relief. I lie down and they put the cathedar(sp) in, curtain up, check with ice that I am numb etc.

James comes in and sits at my head I tell him that we nearly weren’t meeting him today. A nurse takes the camera to take photos for us. Next thing I can feel that they are about to pull him out (you really can feel it just no pain) they tell James to stand up and watch him be born. They give me him for a cuddle and tell me gee he is big. They then take him over and make James cut the cord (he didn’t want to) and score him 10 and 10  . My obs tells them to stop hogging him mum wants him back. They bought him back and I held him while they stitch me up. They were all guessing his weight some thought 4kg.

They wheeled bub and I back to our room and give us some skin to skin time, actually it was like 3 hours of it. I loved every minute of it. He wasn’t interested in breast feeding. James and I discussed names I had wanted Xavier Lachlan but I wasn’t in love with any name and James didn’t have any. I gave him my list because he didn’t like Xavier and asked if he liked any. After me asking heaps and me not letting him ring anyone to ask them I am big on us picking the names no one else, he said Ashton Xavier. I looked at him and said yes that suits him. I was and still am really surprised Ashton is not a name I thought he would ever choose. 

They then came in and weighed him etc. He had pooed all over me it was in my belly button! James left and mum and dad bought Zack up to meet his new brother (James wouldn’t be there when mum and dad were which is a whole different story that I didn’t know about at the time). Zack was in love with his little brother, cuddling him and kissing him. He gave him the present he picked out for Ashton a little bear. When he was crying he said he wants his bear its alright Zacki is here  . Although he was more excited with the presents we had bought him. I had a little thing for him every day he came to visit and asked every day when he came to visit asked Can I have my present now please.

I came home 5 days later and am in love with my two little men  . His stats were:
Ashton Xavier 
Born 9.19am on the 
21st July 2010
Weighing 3635g (8pd 1oz)
47cm long (my little shorty)
Head circumference 34.6cm
ASPARS 10 and 10.

Meeting my little man

Cuddles with mummy

Beautiful boy

After his bath

My gorgeous boys

The Birth of Zackarie James

26.2.08 
It all started the day after getting out of hospital for the third time in three weeks bc of high blood pressure. I was all excited about getting a good night sleep in my bed. That night at 4am I woke up to feel very wet (Sorry TMI), I didn’t think much of it at the time but half an hour later I got up again to the same feeling and now I was also feeling a little sick. I got out of bed and went and sat on the lounge with my mind wondering “could this be a sign?”

James got up for work and I didn’t say anything to him about it because I didn’t really think it was anything and I wasn’t feeling sick any more and I thought it could be because the lack of sleep I had had in hospital. I then went and had a shower and (more TMI sorry) I dribbled on the floor YUCK! After my shower I rang mum not knowing exactly if it was my waters leaking or not. I didn’t want to have take the hours trip to the hospital to check unless I was pretty sure. After walking around a bit and still leaking I decided it was it and rang James to tell him not to go far at work today. I then rang my local hospital to ask if they can test the waters and yes they had the stuff to do it but there was no midwife so I had to go to Scone.

At 10am contractions started. Mum and James took me to the hospital mum timing my contractions. They where anywhere from 14 to 3 minutes apart. When we got to the hospital they confirmed that it was my waters and the doctor did an internal and I hadn’t dialated any. He said if nothing has happened tonight tomorrow at 6am they will start the drip on me.

James was aloud to stay with me which I liked but I didn’t get much sleep that night my contractions had become regular from 14 minutes apart to 10 minutes to 7 minutes. 

27.2.08 
The next morning my contractions had slowed to pretty much nothing so in goes the drip. I was so scared of the drip. They turned it up every half an hour and my contractions had started. By 9am they were coming every 3 minutes apart and at 9.30 my doctor came and did an internal and I was 1cm. 

At 12 noon I was having continuous contractions with no break that changed in intencity. She was putting the machine on me and bottoming out the contraction line while I was having contractions so it was showing I wasn’t having very strong contraction. When she said this to me I started crying. It was around now my waters completely broke and they were stained which freaked me out a bit but bubs heart rate was still fine. I was coping with the contractions on the birth ball with James behind me holding me up as I lent on him. I was very quiet and just breathing through them with my toes clenched. The doctor came in again and still I was only 1 maybe 2 cm dialated and would be back this afternoon at 5.00 to see how I am going. This is when they first offered me an epidural, gas or pethidine (I think it was) which I declined thinking that it had to get worse then this and I really didn’t want to have an epi or pethidine and was planning on using the gas later.

Finally that midwife went off duty (even though she was lovely) and the new midwife came on. She was discusted that the other midwife had let me have continuous contractions for that long with no break. She turned off the drip and I continued to contract every 2-3minutes apart. Later on they slowed so she had to turn the drip back on but not near as hard as before and I was having some break between the contractions. 

Mum went to get some lunch and came back with a teddy for me. I love teddies and apparently it was a funny site watching me labouring with a teddy tucked under my arm. All afternoon they encouraged me to eat something or drink orange juice (I was so sick of juice by now) as it was showing something in my urine telling them that I was exhausted. All I could have was a bite of a biscuit. They offered me the gas, pethidine epidural a few times in the afternoon b/c I was getting so exhausted but I kept declining.

5.30pm came and the doctor arrived again and done another internal. Still only progressed to 2cm and the discussion of an emergency c-section started. He said that bub is transfers and with laying on my side he may turn so to try that until 8.30 and see if I progress if not I will be going for an c-section. The midwife started booking people for the c-section as she new I wasn’t going to progress and she didn’t think I was going to have the energy to push bub out even if I did. 

From when the doctor left I watched the clock. I was really exhausted now and was almost passing out in between contractions. I took two breaths of the gas as James and mum encouraged me to try some pain relief (James desperately wanted to try it) but I didn’t like it. 8pm came and I asked the midwife to turn off the drip as I was to tired and was relieved to be having a c-section even though throughout the pregnancy that was the last thing I wanted. 

8.30pm and the doctor came back. Only progressed to just 3cm and this is where they started getting me ready for the c-section. I was really worrying about how James was going to cope as he doesn’t have the best stomach and was exhausted too. I was in the waiting room for what felt like ages, they were still setting up. This lady came and asked how I was going and I asked her to go wait with James as I new he would be nervous (he said he was pacing the corridor). Took them ages to put the spinal block in he couldn’t find the right spot. My tummy was aching from sitting the scrunched up cat like position. 

Finally James got to come in and the first thing he asked me is if I was alright I said yes are you? They had already started I could feel all the poking and pushing. James was holding my hand and kept trying to look around the curtain which I told him hey look at me as I was still terrified he would faint. I said to James “here he comes” ( Icould really feel it) and the doctor told James to stand up and have a look and I heard bub cry and James went with him to get checked over. His aspar scores were 9 and 9 all I could hear is him crying. They bought him to me so I could see him James was worried because he had the biggest cone head ever. I told him it would go down. James was holding him to (apparently he said I was pushing him off the bed so just as well he was there). Then James nursed him while they closed me up. 

Going back to the room I couldn’t find James (he was getting changed). As soon as I went into my room I was looking for my mum and dad. I wanted them to see him before my MIL and FIL (I don’t get on the best with MIL and they came when they heard I was having a c-section). Mum came in first. By the next day his head had gone down a little and is completely down now.

You have done well if u have got this far. I tend to blab a bit but I wanted everything written down for later reference.

Zackarie James
Born 27/2/08
8pd 3oz
52.5cm long
10.08pm
HC- 34cm

He is my life and I love him to death.

Now pics

Just born

First family pic

First night home in his hammock

My beautiful boy

My three precious children!

You are my world. Life wouldn't be worth living without you. I love you so much Zackarie, Ashton and Amahlia <3 <3